Anyone who has spent any time in a gym has seen people who just don’t quite fit in with the others. They are a nuisance and absolutely piss real bodybuilders off. The following are 10 obnoxious gym personalities that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing.
If I don’t personally know you and you’re not an incredibly hot chick, then don’t waste your time trying to talk to me at the gym. I’m there to lift weights, not learn about your new cat. I don’t care about how much weight you’ve lost in the past year. I’m not interested in your ‘fat blasting’ routine you found online, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about where you work. I’m not rude, I’m just 100% not interested, but more importantly, I’m busy.
With the hundreds of commercials for male body sprays and shelves of numerous body washes at your local store, there is no excuse to smell like a moldy pair of dirty underwear. It blows my mind as to how some people can smell that bad. Stores all over the world sell these awesome little rectangular chunks of good-smelling stuff called deodorant. If certain people would use it a little more often, they would smell less like they have a 2- week old dead hamster taped to their pits. I often wondered why gyms have tons of signs about re-racking weights but none on being sure their members use deodorant.
I remember one recent occasion where this guy’s odor almost literally knocked me on my ass. It is like the great Seinfeld says, “This is beyond BO. This is BBO.”
Rocky Balboa Jr.
I’m sure you’ve all seen that one guy shadowboxing in front of the mirror, around the water fountain or in the locker room. I’m not talking about that guy that throws a shadow punch or two and goes about his business. No. I’m speaking of the one who thinks he’s getting ready to go 12 rounds with Apollo Creed in a heavyweight prize fight. The one who’s sweating, panting and would probably break his own wrist if he hit an actual sandbag. He trains as if he’s the heavyweight champion of the world, yet probably couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
Just thinking of these guys invokes feelings of anger. The ‘chucker’ is one of those guys who feels the need to hurl any weight he has just finished using onto the floor, usually while letting out some insanely obnoxious verbal uttering as if he has just hurled a Volkswagen over a tractor-trailer. What’s even worse is when those weights are only 20 pounds, then he flexes in front of the mirror as if he made a noticeable gain since the last set.
The Spot Me Once, Twice, Three Time Guy
Don’t get me wrong here. I don’t mind spotting people once, maybe even twice. But, if you’re a complete stranger, please don’t ask me to spot you repeatedly. I’m not your trainer and I’m not your workout buddy. If you need that many spots, bring a friend or lift lighter.
I can’t even think of a name terrible enough (well, maybe a few) for the guy who loads up a bar, does his reps and then leaves. This leaves the next person stuck with the task of unloading your 600 pounds of weights on the leg press machine, of which you only did two quarter reps while pushing your knees with your hands. If your workout leaves you so fatigued you can’t unload your own bar, maybe you need to lower your weights.
The Pasty Faced Opportunists – Skinny Guys with Tank Tops
Okay. I get it. You’re going to the gym on a consistent basis, you’re in a routine, you lift heavy and guzzle your protein shakes. However, you still weigh 95 pounds soaking wet. This is not a sign that you should cut the sides off your tank top and wear it to the gym. It doesn’t make you look cool, and it doesn’t make you look buff. It makes you look like a child who has lost his daddy and is trying to find him amongst the maze of big scary weight machines.
The Jump Roper
Why in the hell does this guy always show up in the middle of the gym while everyone else is trying to lift? Isn’t there a better place for you to do that? Like, your home.
The Excessive Grunter
Everyone has heard of this guy. The one who grunts loudly as he lifts and stretches, to the point where it makes the rest of us uncomfortable. The one you can hear through your headphones. The one who sounds like he is crapping his pants. Usually it is the guy who decided to bring his girlfriend with him to the gym and he is doing a bit of showing off.
The Rogue Trainer
Ok, Mister Rogue Trainer. I’m glad that you like to work out. I’m glad you are knowledgeable in various techniques and lifting routines. However, please do not try to impose your knowledge on others. Chances are if I’m in the gym and not being coached by a legit trainer, I already know what I’m doing. I really don’t need you hovering over me, telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing in order to improve my current technique.
I’m sure many of you have experienced a few (or all) of the above gym personalities. Or maybe it’s just me. If that’s the case, I need to find another gym.
This article was written by Sergeant Michael Volkin, inventor of Strength Stack 52 exercise cards, a unique way to transform bodyweight exercises into a fun and competitive workout.
Sergeant Volkin has a new Kickstarter project launching in February for his new fitness game called Hiit Stack 52. Check it out here!
Photo Source: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2oth Century Fox)