If you are in an unhealthy relationship, there’s usually some part of you that knows it. Sometimes the signs are subtle, and you may not realize how destructive your partnership really is. Always be aware of negative behaviors and bad habits when you start a new relationship. Below are a few things you should pay attention to.
Are you unable to talk about your past relationships, even fleetingly in conversation, without your significant other freaking out? When you go out with your friends, do they text or call multiple times a day, asking what you are doing and where you are? This is usually a sign of low self-esteem, and possibly co-dependency. Make sure you get this in check or tell them to hit the road. A bit of jealousy can sometimes be tolerated in moderation, but it’s never okay when it gets out of hand or starts a fight.
If your significant other is constantly telling you what to do, or threatens you if you don’t listen, be wary of this. Maybe they make you stop talking to all of your guy/girl friends. If they tell you there are certain places you can’t go, or certain things you NEED to do, make a mental note of this in bright red ink.
3. Angers easily
When anything and everything gets them upset and throws them into a fit of rage, this is an indicator that they can get extremely nasty or violent. Everyone gets upset and is allowed to get angry. But excessive rage, especially directed at you, can quickly bring you down an unpleasant road.
4. Has no interest in meeting your family
When a relationship starts to get serious, naturally you start thinking about the future. And if you are close to your family, you want them to meet the person you are so smitten with. If your significant other wants absolutely no part in this, or meets them begrudgingly saying something like “you owe me for this”, that is certainly something you don’t want to ignore. Not liking or wanting to meet your family is not a good sign. It may mean they really don’t see the relationship going anywhere or that they are just not that into you.
5. Everything is your fault
All couples have fights now and then; it’s totally normal. But do you find yourself being blamed for everything that happens? If you borrow their car and misplace the keys, does it turn into a huge argument, where you are completely responsible for the loss of the keys, and for everything else that is going wrong for that matter? When the keys are found, are they still angry at you for losing them? If you find this type of situation occurring on a regular basis, it is possible that your partner is slightly unstable with their emotions. It never feels good when you’re blamed for everything. Forgive and forget.
6. They want to change you
If you get your hair cut or dye it a drastic color, how does your partner react? Even if they don’t like it, offering their opinion gently would be the supportive thing to do. But if changing anything about your appearance is extremely unsettling to your significant other, maybe you should start packing. On the flip side, if they are constantly trying to get you to change things about who you are as a person, or change the way you act around other people, it kind of goes without saying that they just simply don’t accept you for who you are.
7. Their privacy can NEVER be breached
Of course everyone’s entitled to their privacy, and just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean that everything must be shared. However, if they constantly turn their phone away from you when they get a text, or they have their phone on their person at all times, take note of this. If you need to use their phone, do they give you a strange answer saying why you can’t, or watch you intensely to make sure you aren’t doing anything that they don’t want you to do? However, be careful with this and don’t jump to any immediate conclusions. Some people are just private. But if they keep getting texts and phone calls from their “aunt” at 2:30 in the morning, keep your antennae up.
8. You can’t talk to one another
This one is very, very important. If you are with someone and you both are expecting it to go somewhere, be aware of the way you communicate. If you find that you can’t share things with your partner because you fear they won’t understand, you will start to find yourself feeling resentful. Intelligence is also a factor here. If you are much smarter than your boyfriend or girlfriend (or vice versa, for that matter) and cannot connect on an intellectual level in any way, this can lead to one of you getting bored with the other. Being able to talk to one another is such an important key to any relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic.
9. Your Values and Morals are extremely different.
This definitely applies more to when you are in the stages of your relationship where marriage seems like it could be on the horizon. Do you want kids but your boyfriend absolutely does not want them? You may brush it off and think that he may change his mind down the road, and this is a dangerous assumption to make. Maybe he will change his mind. But chances are, if he’s already in his mid to late 20’s, in a serious relationship with you and still feels that he does not want kids, he probably means it.
10. You feel more doubt about the relationship than love and excitement
You know when something isn’t right. All relationships go through ups and downs, and there is not one perfect relationship on this planet. People argue, have differences, and have quirks or bad habits that the other one hates. If you are compatible with one another, you overlook those things because you love them. If you constantly doubt where the relationship is heading, or there are nagging thoughts about your partner that you just can’t ignore, you should seriously take a step back and evaluate what you wish to get out of being with this person.
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