DEAR LADIES: You Don’t Need Closure, You Need Belief In Your Strength

I could think of many ways that we can go our separate ways but never this.

There has been an abundance of relationship and emotional well-being talk amongst my girls and I lately. We came upon the discussion of whether seeking closure of broken relationships is the ideal measure to moving forward. As women, we often times think it’s necessary to communicate face-to-face with an ex after a bad break-up of an unhealthy relationship in order to find peace and emotional sanity.

We want to ask the questions and try to get answers that may perhaps soothe the heartache. Often times, that’s where we go wrong ladies. I’ve experienced enough to know how that goes.

You know it’s been a toxic bond and after the break-up, you give yourself a couple of weeks, maybe a month, but the situation is still clouding up your mind. You just can’t stop thinking about it. Questions are bombarding your mind. You get to thinking that you can’t move forward until you talk about it. So, you hit your ex up.

You guys meet up, you start asking the questions. They give you either sugar-coated answers or abrupt ones that you are not prepared to hear, thus only putting you in a deeper hole than you were initially in, and still not justifying the situation and mistreatment at hand.

Sometimes, you may even start to reminisce. You go your separate ways trying to cope and a few days later, maybe a week, once they realize you are fine without them they reel you back in and you both decide to start “fresh” again, placing a temporary band-aid on the wound before the regurgitating of the vicious cycle once again.

Girl, you are wrong!

Closure to a toxic relationship doesn’t exist. It is an excuse for those who are emotionally and mentally weak. It’s okay, I’ve been there before. I would like you to understand one thing, the only apology that you need in order to move forward is from yourself.

The person that you have to see eye-to-eye with is the person looking back in the mirror. It is she who you have to have a conversation with. You have to look at yourself and say, “I deserve to be happy. I have made mistakes. I am worth more than what I’ve allowed myself to be put through.”, that is your closure. Don’t keep dancing with the devil and wonder why you are still in hell.

Be honest with yourself, ask yourself why you desperately feel the need to get closure that directly derives from your ex. Is it because you need to hear anything that will make you fall quicker out of love? Do you need to hear that you weren’t good enough, from the person you may still be in love with?

Let’s face it, you want a solid reason to detach yourself and convince yourself that you are better off without further involvement with this person, but honey that may only make it harder for you to do so. Sometimes, the person may not want to hurt you any further, or they simply keep adding onto covering up the truth, and adding onto the hurt that got you there in the first place. In the end you get no clear answers which is frustrating and nothing gets resolved.

You have to learn how to take back your power after a break-up. Your sanity is not in the hands of another being, it is in yours. There is a divine truth in that the mind has the ability to control your every situation.

You have to allow yourself to believe in your ability to overcome the toughest of situations. It is okay to give yourself a day or two to grieve, in fact you need that in order to cleanse yourself emotionally, but understand that you can not wallow in that state of obscurity.

Gather yourself together. Look yourself dead in the eye and know that you belong to you, and it is you who decides where you go from that point on. Look forward and believe in your possibilities. Have faith in yourself. Faith in your ability to be strong and courageous. Show them how it’s done. Be strong woman! Do not return to what has broken you. You’ll thank yourself later.