Have Fun as a Number: Diatribe on the Modern Methods of Hiring

A life post-college is a daunting challenge that many in their 20’s are frightfully colliding with. Job-hunting in the year 2014 has morphed from what it once was into an automated big-game hunt for a mythical beast that may have already gone extinct. An ungodly unity between market saturation and the excessive dependence on technology by hiring companies has left your typical job hunter in a vicarious position in the world. Play the game under its current rules or get comfortable with unemployment.

The world at large has been dehumanized, thanks to the internet. Convenience is king in this era, and with his ascension the ability to just walk into a business, shake hands with a member of its staff and personally inquire about employment has evaporated. If you want to get through the bars and get your hands on any job worth showing up to five days a week, you now have to fly through the gamut of technological BS that every “good” company now has in place for job hunters. Pages and pages of application paperwork, idiotic multiple choice morality tests, twelve interviews with everyone in a company from the janitor to the CEO, these are the kinds of typical muck that people of our generation must engage in order to enter the workforce.

It’s frustrating, repetitive and discouraging to apply for literally hundreds of jobs only to run smack-dab into a flurry of denial for an interview or otherwise. What makes it even worse is that it seems like the majority of the time that the company whose rings you wasted hours hopping through doesn’t even have the decency or manners to give you a final ruling on said application. Those hours you spent navigating their poorly designed website will never be heard from again, and their fates unknown.

People love to marvel and clamor for the newest gadgets to slink their way out of an Apple store. Everyone is connected to everything nowadays and your privacy has never been less protected. The shining potential of a world wide web has bubbled over its capacity for usefulness and has quickly made many aspects of average Joe’s life much more difficult. The key to being hired on no longer lies in quality work experience and knuckle-breaking hard work. Want in? Then you best learn how to kiss ass in the most formulaic way possible. Or you better know somebody.

I could have sat down today with the intention of reinvigorating the downtrodden morale of our mutual situation. I want a job, you want a job, everyone wants jobs. Hey! I could spout stories like a leaky fountain about perseverance and determination and all of their tragically self-help-book siblings, but I won’t. I know people who have applied for hundreds of jobs and are STILL on the hunt and some fluffy cliché and an affectionate pat on the back isn’t going to help them out. If the majority of companies in the United States of Amurrika don’t have some sense of respect for potential employees time and effort, then why in the hell should any of them deserve employees to begin with?

‘But Mr. Vandervelden… Every job we post receives well over 250 applications, there is no way that we could possibly inform 249 individuals that their time effort and misplaced hope in employment was all for not!”. Then how about you reassess your methods? Business has never been rooted in morality, and expecting some greed-laced suit-sporting tiger to change his stripes isn’t something I’m holding my breath on, but regardless, this is a taxing issue that not enough people seem to find issue with. Never has the American worker been closer to being just another number and never has the average American corporation been more savagely streamlined. You’re all number until you eat your way to the top, and once you get there, you’re still just as expendable.

Keep on trucking, though. Like any of us have a choice.



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