A lie. Noun. A false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. Love. Noun. Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Two words connotatively miles apart. Yet, all too often, go hand in hand in terms of amorous as well as platonic relationships. From lying to impress at the courting stage stage of romantic relationships, to lying to maintain the safety and security of a relationship in general. Are the ethical lines between insignificant “white lies” and those darker secrets shrouded in a thick fog of lies blurred, or is the difference substantial enough to play on the morality field with. Nonetheless, lies are and have always been prevalent and present, in all shapes and forms, in personal relationships. According to a survey printed in Newsweek, on average, men lie about six times a day to their romantic partners, boss or colleagues, compared to women who lie about three times daily to their respective counterparts. With those numbers its not hard to imagine the Cro Magnon man telling his cave-wife that he is going out to hunt for tonight’s sabre toothed dinner, while actually planning to drag his latest mistress back to her rocky abode by her bone-tied ponytail.
So what really constitutes as a lie. As I mentioned, Webster defines a lie as an intentional untruth. But, what about those intentional half truths? Is purposely omitting critical information just as bad if not the same as lying? If the information that was left out could have an impact on the perspective of the lie-ee relative to the liar, or whether or not they want to remain in the liars life, isn’t that a tad bit unfair, with a dash of selfishness in the pot. Or how about a personal favorite of mine, lying in order to protect one’s feelings, more poetically stated as putting Band-aids over bullet wounds. The notion being that this lie is justified in the emotional court of law, I recently fell victim to this particular crime. I was in a year and a half long relationship with a girl whom I also considered a best friend. The best friend in her would go out of her way to shield me from harm. The girlfriend in her would manipulate the truth to do so. Before I go into divergence however, let me be clear, this is not some ex bashing article or an outlet I am utilizing to subliminally express ill feelings. This particular girl is an amazing person who has been there with and for me through some tough times as well as times of elation, and I admire and respect her for that. For the sake of respecting said admiration I will remain strictly unbiased and freely analytical. In short, this girl lied about an incident which happened during one of our “off” parts of the relationship, and came clean about so not when I firmly asked her to, but after an ensuing argument, after it had been too late to save face from my perspective. I was crushed by the revelation, not so much because of the actual incident, but because of the sudden bulldozing of the trust that had been built up between us. As I began to view the situation in retrospect, I started to realize all of the minute lies of the past that were spun to create the current web of lies that I had found myself caught in. I cut my retrospect short in order to save myself the heartache and headache of deductively figuring out what else could’ve been a dishonest remark or action. After 17 months, I finally pulled the batteries out of my on-and-off relationship.
Like my previous couple articles, I have no social agenda I’m trying to convey or any underlying persuasive themes. I guess the purpose of this article is to encourage honesty in relationships, and to elaborate that honesty begins with one’s self. Feelings and emotions may be spared for the moment, but what’s done in the dark always come to the light, and the sight can be monstrous. As they say, and so eloquently put, the truth hurts, but lies kill. I have an acquaintance who is advancing pretty rapidly from the courting stage of his relationship to the commitment stage. He is 34 years old. His girlfriend just turned 19. Well above the consensual age limit, and besides a few possible maturity gaps, there’s absolutely nothing wrong there. WRONG. In the exchange of introductions, my acquaintance shaved ten years off of his age. And you know what, that’s fine for a one-night conquest, or a flash in the pan rendezvous, those relationships are based on exaggerations and truth stretching, all in the name of fun. But, he is having talks of marriages and baby carriages with this poor girl, who’s going to end up being blindsided at the altar, when he lifts her veil and says “I do, and oh yeah, I’m really 34”. I’m simply an advocate for helping people avoid situations I’ve been through, it’s one of my worldly duties. I can’t help my acquaintance, he does not see any injustice in what he’s doing, but if I can help someone out there in the HTML world, then my failed relationship is all the more meaningful. So try to remember, when you tell one lie, you have to keep up with with the hundred more lies you tell to cover the first one. When you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything, the truth tells itself.
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