Spats will always occur between two members of any relationship. Teenagers who have been dating a month start texting wars over idiotic gym class rumors. Thirty something couples bicker over financial difficulty and retired husbands and wives duel over whether a night out should be spent at Hometown Buffet or the local bingo hall.
Typically these momentary little beefs with one another roll over and die fairly quickly after their conception. Other times they don’t. Sometimes we (my fellow male I’m talking about us) make strategic mistakes in how we are handling a certain fight with our chosen lover and end up striking her boiling point. “Why are you so mad?” you may inquire before she storms out of your apartment. She won’t answer, but it was a nice attempt, junior.
Let us review some of the prime and tragically foolish pitfalls that average Joe can stumble into when arguing with his girl. Ahem.
As soon as a fight flips on, are you one of those individuals who immediately will start with the yelling? Yelling is a barbarous emotional sort of outburst that typically displays low capability of controlling oneself. There isn’t a person on this wretched little mudball planet who hasn’t had their face yelled in at some point. Screaming, screeching, barking, and howling. Nasty and loud verbal ejaculation is only ever dispensed in order to make someone feel less than they are. Reflect on times you’ve been the recipient of a verbal beat down. It’s never an enjoyable experience EVER. So why are you trying to impose such ugliness on someone you care about? Even if she is the one to start with the yelling (and for her I’d have the same question), why would you want to return it? All it does is escalate what was probably a minor blip in your mutual existence to all out nuclear warfare. Next time you feel a shout coming up, neutralize it and relax it best you can. It’s hard to have a war if one side isn’t firing their big guns.
Once you’ve got a wrangle on your cool, calm collectedness, think. What started THIS fight? Did you leave up the toilet seat? Did someone forget to clean out the cat box? Domestic life has plenty of little annoyances but encountering one of them shouldn’t send you into a “berserker” rage. Analyze what sparked the conflict and pick whether or not it’s a battle worth having. Sometimes it can be! Don’t get me wrong. I am not a total pacified neutralist. Some arguments need to and should be had (minus the yelling) but the majority of them are petty in origin and content and they should be avoided at all costs for the sake of your relationship and shared sanity.
You’ve calmed yourself down and passed on the option of yelling at your lady, good man. You know this current argument is over something trivial and isn’t something that will ruin the very foundations of your relationship. You might feel a bit better about the situation, but maybe your girl is still in “Ladyzilla” rampage mode. It is now time to find a way to bring her back to her usual lovable self through an old school trick known as “listening”. If the conflict has risen to a level where it’s no longer about the dirty dishes in the sink and she is starting to attack various other aspects of your life, try to reel her back in. Share this information that you so miraculously possess that unwashed dishware will in fact not cause your relationship to disintegrate. Be calm and explain that something so menial isn’t worth the warfare. If you screwed up and that’s what she’s mad about (maybe you didn’t do said dishes) immediately go and do what needs to be done. Actively show that you aren’t looking for a fight, and that resolution is what you’d prefer the order of the night to be. Acknowledge that you understand why she is upset and encourage her to tell you about why something so minor made her so mad (if indeed she started the fight). Work towards better communication in the future and maybe together you two can kill most fights before they even happen.
From there conduct yourself as a gentleman. If she needs some time away from you, give her as much as she needs to cool off. Relationships are highly emotional things, but that doesn’t mean that they have to be ruled by emotion in times that logic and reason would better serve you both.
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