It dawned on me recently that maybe I am too old for dating; not in my physical age, as most people would think being in your mid-to-late twenties is the prime time for seeing people and discovering the opposite sex, but after my specific set of life circumstances, the mentality I hold just isn’t suitable for the dating lifestyle. Dating, in essence, is a game– the stereotypical cat and mouse where you play roles and work to impress someone in hopes that they’ll call you and request a second, and a third and a fourth date. If you’re lucky, you meet someone you end up with for a while until you realize you can’t be with them anymore and go through the horrendous heart-ache of breakup yet again. Jaded much?
I’ve come to an impasse in my life; one where I no longer care for the games people play with each other, and that includes the fake importance of dating. I’ll admit, I’m not a good date. My personality comes off aggressive, pessimistic and defeated but that’s only because I’ve found myself weary. As I progress through life, learning more about myself and others as the days go by, I’ve collected a handful of requirements and tips that I firmly live by now in hopes that the “game” can be set aside for reality to shine itself through.
Your body doesn’t matter to me. Physical attraction is strengthened by character, and those abs you spent hours every day on mean absolutely nothing to me. I would rather meet someone who is chubby and spends his time educating himself, enjoying life or doing something meaningful than someone who spends hours a day in the gym to make sure their bodies model that of what they feel is perfection.
I’m not impressed by money or fame. The concept of finding someone to take care of me, or someone who’s pursued by a multitude of groupies, is neither appealing to me or impressive. It would be more impressive to me meeting someone who worked their asses off at a job that fulfilled them rather than thickened their wallets, and the attention-seeking idea of fame only suggests to me a giant ego and childhood invisibility.
The sexiest thing about you is self-reliance. This doesn’t mean you own a house and can afford nice things without stressing about whether or not the bills are going to be paid on time. What this means is that you essentially take care of yourself. You can wake up for work without help, you can keep your promises because you have the freedom and resources to do so. The economy these days makes it difficult to live without financial help (i.e. roommates, carpooling) but the reflection of self sufficiency shines through on your ability to be a functioning adult in society without the constant aid of others.
Your bad habits aren’t shameful. The impressions we try to make towards people we would like to pursue as romantic interests are always borderline psychotic when it comes to perfection. I want to discuss your faults, for no other reason that the connection two people make on the basis of being truly human is far more stimulating and erotic to me than any good impression someone could make. Tell me your mistakes, I want to relate to you on a far deeper level than your accomplishments and supposedly great resume.
Communication is far more important than avoiding fights. I cannot tell you how many times relationships have failed for me because in order to avoid confrontation or fighting, someone kept quiet; someone didn’t express themselves; someone “let it go.” If you’re unable or unwilling to openly and honestly communicate with me, there is no reason for any type of relationship to continue forward. I’d rather fight and resolve than bury and eventually explode.
If you have to brag, you’re not being honest. It wasn’t until I realized that I know absolutely nothing about this life that I finally freed myself up to learn. People who have to brag about themselves, their lives or skills in the bedroom are people who have simply not gotten to a place of understanding within themselves and the universe– people who actually lack the ability to understand the subtly of change and real knowledge. Bragging does not translate into actually knowing anything, and I’m more likely to peg you as insecure and ignorant than someone who admits to knowing nothing about anything.
The age old sentiment “just be yourself” became a movement for a reason. More people are waking up to understand what a real connection with another human being is all about; and the idea that dating is less about reality and more about promoting the good side of one’s existence detours me faster than someone who is just honest to the core. If the interaction is not centered around truth, mistakes and human compassion, I’m just plain not interested.
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