Drinking should always be done responsibly. But sometimes drinking must be done in vast quantity and very quickly. Sometimes you want to be more than buzzed and that, amigo, is your own priority. I am not here to pass judgment on your bubbling desire to get deep-sea shipwrecked. Blitzkrieg-ed. Back-woods clobbered. Wasted. Pickled. Drunk. I’m only here to present YOU! The spirit-starved reader, a rogues gallery of some of the most diabolically intended drink recipes ever concocted in order to help your trip to Liquorville a speedy one. Bottoms up.
Jungle Juice: A primordial stew that is also an American Party favorite. Strange times follow you when you drink this. Load up a huge container with chopped fruit and booze? Guaranteed to hammer entire frat parties.
1 L Everclear® alcohol
5.25 L(3 1.75L bottles) vodka
1 bottle peach schnapps
1 pint Bacardi® 151 rum
1 bottle 99 Apples® apple schnapps
10 L Sprite® soda
1 L Sunny Delight® orange juice
1 L triple sec
1.75 Lbottle gin
1 bottle DeKuyper® Sour Apple Pucker schnapps
4 bottles Boone’s Farm® Strawberry Hill wine
8 L Hawaiian Punch®
2 containers orange juice concentrate
fruit (as much as desired)
“Use a large container ie. ice chest or similar. Allow the fruit to soak in all the alcohol for about 4 – 12 hours. Add all the juice and let sit overnight. Serve the next day.”
Sazerac: Manly and time tested. Emerged in New Orleans as a reeking parody of the all-american “cocktail”.
1 tsp Ricard® pastis
1/2 tsp superfine sugar
2 dashes Peychaud® bitters
1 tsp water
2 oz bourbon whiskey
1 twist lemon peel
“Pour ricard into a glass and swirl around to coat the glass; discard any excess. Place the sugar, peychaud bitters, and water into the glass and muddle with the back of a teaspoon. Almost fill the glass with ice cubes. Pour the bourbon over the ice cubes, add a twist of lemon peel, and serve.”
Caribou Lou: Tech N9ne loves it enough to reference it mid-rap it and you will, too. Gets you numb, so be careful kids. Blame this one on where it was born, Kansas City.
1 1/2 parts 151 proof rum
1 part Malibu® coconut rum
5 parts pineapple juice
“Shake or serve up with ice in a highball glass.”
Death in the Afternoon: Hemingway’s rumored Parisian favorite. Don’t let its’ cute little champagne base and green coloring to trick you. Drink this in said afternoon and possibly sober up by nightfall.
5 ozchilled Champagne
1 oz Pernod® licorice liqueur
“Pour the pernod into the champagne flute and top off with the champagne.”
Long Island Iced Tea: The old standby. Needs no goofy introduction.
0.25 oz Tanqueray® gin
0.25 oz Smirnoff® vodka No.21
0.25 oz Captain Morgan® Silver spiced rum
0.25 oz Jose Cuervo® Especial gold tequila
0.25 oz triple sec
1 oz sweet and sour mix
6 oz cola
1 wedge lemon (optional)
“Add Tanqueray London Dry Gin, Smirnoff No.21 Vodka, Captain Morgan Silver Spiced Rum, Jose Cuervo Especial, triple sec, and sweet and sour mix in ice-filled Collins glass and stir. Top with cola. Garnish with lemon wedge (optional).”
Kudos to drinkmixer.com for the shamelessly poached drink recipes.