The effects of emotional pain can be seen in many various forms, and I know for myself that I have cycled through a plethora of different emotions for several different periods of time in my life. Finally, I have settled on one that is providing me the medium and harmony necessary for true healing. The progress I have discovered in my daily life absolutely shocks me and, at times, I am left to try processing what this happiness feels like as it has been void from my life for as long as I can remember. Throughout my day, I am often reminded of my own truth by many words of wisdom and quotations from others who are traveling parallel paths to my own, and I couldn’t be more grateful for the solidarity it provides me with.
And though I am making the most earnest attempts at remaining positive and compassionate, I occasionally run into speed bumps that I am still learning to cope with. It reminds me of the cliche statements my friends have said to me, and how during the time they were spoken I was far too sucked into misery to take them seriously, but their truth and value have only strengthened with time. The overall sense of peace I have found inside myself has pushed me into a life that I could only dream of, one where I am confident in my progress, and yet when those speed bumps creep up, I immediately sink back to the low feeling of disappointment and shame for not having a better grasp on my own feelings and behaviors.
We speak to each other with so much more respect than we speak to ourselves; constantly urging one another that we are only human, they expect far too much of themselves, no one is perfect and they should cut themselves slack once in a while; and here we remain, berating ourselves when we act with human qualities we hold higher in someone else. The self bullying we engage in forces us to believe we are held at a higher standard and, in essence, are capable of more and better than we believe the people around us are. There is nothing wrong in wanting to push ourselves to be the best we can be and to direct ourselves down a path of working towards excellence but the mental beatdowns and supposition we place on ourselves are actually self-righteous and serve only to perpetuate emotional pain. You wouldn’t walk up to someone and tell them they are worthless, why would you do it to yourself?
In reality, we are easy targets for our own ingrained bullying. We see ourselves every day, when we are at our lowest, we exploit our secrets and mistakes and we combine all the things we know will hurt us most and force us to re-live that pain on a constant basis. We all do it in some way and to break from that pattern of self abuse is not an easy feat in a world where appearances matter and we are expected to conform to identities of strength and sacrifice. Our idols are people from history who have martyred themselves to causes they believed in, characters in movies or regular people who have suffered great tragedy and come out on the other side with amazing success, people of high physical beauty and talent, and though we should know the majority of us are regular, we still compare and desire only to have found ourselves coming up less than we desired.
The moral of the story is that we first have to learn how to destroy the oppressing voice inside our heads before we can enter into a life of ease and tranquility. We have to focus on our personal strengths and constantly remind ourselves that we are worthy, and we have to change our perceptions to even allow room for good things to show themselves to us. We get wrapped up in this way of thinking that simply can’t work– “if these certain things happen, then I will finally be happy.” This is false, this is negative, this is a failure waiting in the bushes for you with a knife ready to strike. The amount or value of our possessions, the situations in which we live, the spouses and partners we find are not the answer to fixing ourselves when it comes to our own self-destruction, but instead, the answer is looking in the mirror and saying “this is me, what good things I do have? What can I work on?” and then showing ourselves a little bit of the compassion we dole out to everyone around us.
There is an innate peace that comes with acceptance– with breathing in deeply and allowing our minds to be filled up with compliments, with knowledge, confidence and understanding. When you find peace within yourself, everything else will suddenly fall where it needs to be and only then will you be faced with that contentment you unknowingly fought against all those years whenever you called yourself fat, ugly and worthless.
Photo Source: Deviantart.com(chaos-sister)