This topic has been on the tip of my tongue for some time and there are about a dozen people that I wanted to start a dialogue with. I can’t possibly be alone in this problem so I figured the best way to bring the subject to light is to display it on the vast space that is the internet. It seems like it would save a lot of repetition at least. Having the same conversation over and over would be boring so I am just going to write this one article and leave it here for you all to ponder.
What is this topic? Well, it is the fact that I am so, so terribly and amazingly queer. No, I am not coming out of the closet. Please, I broke that thing down when I was 15 and I can’t go back into something that doesn’t exist anymore. I am simply trying to remind people that try to stick their sticky little heteronormative labels on me. Sexuality is not like coffee and tea, but rather a beverage bar with so many options it would make your head spin with delight. I don’t appreciate people telling me I have to date a cup of coffee because I am a cup of tea. I didn’t magically turn straight and I wasn’t a lesbian before. It doesn’t really work like that. It’s actually pretty simple in comparison. In any situation, I am still queer. Oh, and fellow LGBTQ people… most of you are just as guilty. I’ve heard comments from anyone and everyone, regardless of gender identity or sexuality.
The fact that many people want to simply label me as straight now that I am in a relationship with a cis man makes me feel like my identity is being erased for someone else’s comfort. It’s the same concept as me feeling pressure from my previous partner to identify as lesbian when she wasn’t comfortable with my identifying as queer. It’s something that is a constant struggle and I’ve adopted my identity as queer mostly due to the fact that I didn’t like how concrete all of these sexualities were. It never really fit with who I am. I’m kind of all over the place in a happy mess kind of way and I didn’t like being shoved into a certain box.
What is queer anyways? Well, the dictionary will tell you it means “strange” and “odd” but it also is an umbrella term for LGBTQ folks. It simply means that my sexuality isn’t defined by what someone else tells me it is, rather I am nothing and everything at once and that is quite all right. Hell, it’s also all right for someone to move through the different sexual identities but it must be on their terms, not through someone else’s words. It’s damaging to be erased and mislabeled due to someone else’s need to label another. I’ve lived my life defined by other’s words long enough to know that that is not truly living and I refuse to go back down that path.
Essentially, what I am getting at is that you don’t have to label me. Who I am with doesn’t make me who I am. I am my queer self and that is more than enough. I can think of many adjectives to describe me, from “beautiful” to “clumsy”, and you don’t have to throw in your two cents. Maybe you can look at yourself and question why you feel you need to discuss my sexual identity and feel the need to tell me what you think I am. I understand we aren’t perfect and I just hope that you know I am not upset at all. I just don’t want to be erased since it took me so long to find myself out. I’m here, I’m queer, and please don’t try and tell me otherwise.
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